Expressing Love
From my experiences working with autistic children, I have learned more about their ability to love more than anything.
Although they can express their love, communication is really hard. I can easily become frustrated as I ask the same question multiple times. They don't listen to me. They hear me but wait a couple minutes to respond. This processing delay makes you think that they don't care about what you're telling about them about. It is a one way conversation most of the time with the kids in the classroom. When they do respond, it is oftentimes unrelated or due to their "scripting" (their obsessive thought process).
In most of my conversations outside work, the response is very quick and reciprocal. I make a comment and they respond with a comment relating to what I said. It is a two way conversation with listening and talking both ways.
When you are only having a one way conversation, it is easy to feel unloved or uncared for. It can be frustrating as I feel like I am talking to a wall. I have found that autistic children show love in different ways than we expect. They show it mainly through nonverbal ways mainly through their smiles and laughter. I know it sounds really cheesy, but sometimes I am a cheesy person. I have felt so much love from the kids in the classroom. Only one kid will come out and verbally say, "I love you Ms. Jensen". The rest will smile when I walk in the room. They will ask for help from me specifically. They will touch my arm or try to hug me. It sounds strange but I think the kids feel my acceptance of their behavior and understand my love. I have never come out and said, "I love you". When I say "I love you", I mean a general love. It is a knowledge that they are children of God. It is a recognition of who they are and they can be. Once your eyes are open to their true identity, loving them comes easy. Their behaviors are still annoying. I can still have a short temper when they misbehavior. But in the end, I love the kids I work with. They feel my love and they give love back to me.
The unspoken words of love mean the most to me. You know the vines online? They are 6 second videos that simply repeat. I have mental vines with my kids that give me a sense of deeper love and meaning in my life. One of the "mental vines" includes one of the students who likes to link arms with me as we walk in the hallway. As we walk, he specifically picks me to link arms with. He tells me about his favorite pokemon. I am not really interested in pokemon, but the boy is willing to share his favorite thing with me. This simple exchange about pokemon helps me understand about this pure and "innocent" love. The boy is sincere in his affection and love. These walks mean so much to me as I work longer. It is a daily occurrence but the walks will always remain in my heart as I think back to these kids. This same kid seems very intuitive into my feelings sometimes. I say sometimes because autistic kids have a hard time regulating and showing emotions. On some occasions he sees things that others cannot read. It seems strange to me since he is autistic, but he has a reader of my emotions sometimes. One day I was just frustrated. I was trying to hide it in my work, but he noticed it. He came up to me during my break and told me, "It's okay Ms. Jensen, I love you too". It was one of the sweetest moments I've ever experienced. This autistic boy was able to recognize that I was feeling frustrated and sad. He expressed his love towards me. It's moments like this where I am able to recognize the strong hearts these children possess and share with me everyday.
Another vine that repeats in my end is during christmas season. We had a gift exchange where we gave gifts to each student. Mine were extremely simple but most of the time the kids enjoy receiving the gift even if it is from the Dollar Tree. One kid when giving it to me stood up and said thank you. After saying "thank you", he gave a hug. It was a very sweet moment. After teaching him a new skill or playing with him, he will always give me a hug. I can always count on him for a hug. These sweet tender moments make me realize that when we love, the kids will love in return.
All these kids want is to be loved and understood. When we come to love these kids, that is when we most grow. You develop a sense of compassion as you see life through their eyes. Life is enjoyable in their world. Everyday is a adventure. There is a sense of innocence. They trust without question. They believe that everyone's intentions is to do good. They are in a childlike state. We are a child but we grow up and develop "adult" characteristics. We lose our state of innocence as we experience the world. In a way, working with these kids is teaching me how to better view the world. We look at them and say that they are wrong. They are crazy. Maybe, it is the opposite .Maybe we are the ones who need to learn how to be more childlike and have a sense of innocence. I am not saying we need to become autistic, I am just saying there are so many life lessons we can learn from them.
Although they can express their love, communication is really hard. I can easily become frustrated as I ask the same question multiple times. They don't listen to me. They hear me but wait a couple minutes to respond. This processing delay makes you think that they don't care about what you're telling about them about. It is a one way conversation most of the time with the kids in the classroom. When they do respond, it is oftentimes unrelated or due to their "scripting" (their obsessive thought process).
In most of my conversations outside work, the response is very quick and reciprocal. I make a comment and they respond with a comment relating to what I said. It is a two way conversation with listening and talking both ways.
When you are only having a one way conversation, it is easy to feel unloved or uncared for. It can be frustrating as I feel like I am talking to a wall. I have found that autistic children show love in different ways than we expect. They show it mainly through nonverbal ways mainly through their smiles and laughter. I know it sounds really cheesy, but sometimes I am a cheesy person. I have felt so much love from the kids in the classroom. Only one kid will come out and verbally say, "I love you Ms. Jensen". The rest will smile when I walk in the room. They will ask for help from me specifically. They will touch my arm or try to hug me. It sounds strange but I think the kids feel my acceptance of their behavior and understand my love. I have never come out and said, "I love you". When I say "I love you", I mean a general love. It is a knowledge that they are children of God. It is a recognition of who they are and they can be. Once your eyes are open to their true identity, loving them comes easy. Their behaviors are still annoying. I can still have a short temper when they misbehavior. But in the end, I love the kids I work with. They feel my love and they give love back to me.
The unspoken words of love mean the most to me. You know the vines online? They are 6 second videos that simply repeat. I have mental vines with my kids that give me a sense of deeper love and meaning in my life. One of the "mental vines" includes one of the students who likes to link arms with me as we walk in the hallway. As we walk, he specifically picks me to link arms with. He tells me about his favorite pokemon. I am not really interested in pokemon, but the boy is willing to share his favorite thing with me. This simple exchange about pokemon helps me understand about this pure and "innocent" love. The boy is sincere in his affection and love. These walks mean so much to me as I work longer. It is a daily occurrence but the walks will always remain in my heart as I think back to these kids. This same kid seems very intuitive into my feelings sometimes. I say sometimes because autistic kids have a hard time regulating and showing emotions. On some occasions he sees things that others cannot read. It seems strange to me since he is autistic, but he has a reader of my emotions sometimes. One day I was just frustrated. I was trying to hide it in my work, but he noticed it. He came up to me during my break and told me, "It's okay Ms. Jensen, I love you too". It was one of the sweetest moments I've ever experienced. This autistic boy was able to recognize that I was feeling frustrated and sad. He expressed his love towards me. It's moments like this where I am able to recognize the strong hearts these children possess and share with me everyday.
Another vine that repeats in my end is during christmas season. We had a gift exchange where we gave gifts to each student. Mine were extremely simple but most of the time the kids enjoy receiving the gift even if it is from the Dollar Tree. One kid when giving it to me stood up and said thank you. After saying "thank you", he gave a hug. It was a very sweet moment. After teaching him a new skill or playing with him, he will always give me a hug. I can always count on him for a hug. These sweet tender moments make me realize that when we love, the kids will love in return.
All these kids want is to be loved and understood. When we come to love these kids, that is when we most grow. You develop a sense of compassion as you see life through their eyes. Life is enjoyable in their world. Everyday is a adventure. There is a sense of innocence. They trust without question. They believe that everyone's intentions is to do good. They are in a childlike state. We are a child but we grow up and develop "adult" characteristics. We lose our state of innocence as we experience the world. In a way, working with these kids is teaching me how to better view the world. We look at them and say that they are wrong. They are crazy. Maybe, it is the opposite .Maybe we are the ones who need to learn how to be more childlike and have a sense of innocence. I am not saying we need to become autistic, I am just saying there are so many life lessons we can learn from them.
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