My Simple, Happy, Beautiful Life

I have been reflecting on this idea of change frequently. I know that I have posted about change occasionally in my blog, but it is a constant process. Things around us are changing or we might be in the process of changing. If I have learned one thing since I graduated high school, I have learned to expect change. Since I have started my program, I have felt myself change. I am still me. I still have similar interests. I still love the things that I did before. I have a different schedule now though. That means, I don't stay up late like I did before. In my free time, I do different things. I have different priorities. I care more about social issues. I am more aware of the "isms' (racism, sexism...) around me. My goals are changing. My conversations with friends are changing.  The problem with change is sometimes you change while your environment remains the same. Do you know what I mean? For example, I feel like I am changing but I feel like my friends around me

I am so grateful for my education that I received at BYU. As I have reflected on my experiences since I have stated my masters program at Sacramento State, I have realized all the valuable lessons I learned there. One of the most important lessons is that all truth comes from one source. Truth comes from a loving Heavenly Father who values our education. As some people know before most classes at BYU, we pray to invite the spirit to help us in our learning process. Because of the incorporation of the spirit, we combine secular and spiritual knowledge. It was a repeated occasion that I would walk away from a lecture with both spiritual insights and knowledge concerning my major. I took this for granted since it was almost a daily occasion. Now that I attend a state school where my religious beliefs are not connected within secular knowledge, I miss the opportunity to vocalize how my secular knowledge connects with my religious beliefs. I try to find connections between the two and s

One of the most important lessons that I have learned in my first semester of graduate school is the social work spectrum. I had this narrow vision into what is considered as social work. I imagined myself "fixing" people's problems through therapy. I could imagine my long list of clients who love seeing me because I help them. I would become this miracle worker. That is what I always dreamed would happen. Some of my prophecy has come true, but for the most part my vision of social work was completely wrong. Social work is therapy but it is much more. I had a breakdown at my internship because my perception of social work was completely wrong. I thought that I was wasting time doing mindless activities. In my internship, I play bingo and domino's with clients, talk to them about their hobbies, paint their nails, color with them. I have more social work responsibilities, but these activities, I found useless. Why am I doing these activities that anyone can do with th

In the past couple of weeks, I am starting to learn about these two ways of thinking. I have always grown up looking through the lens of unity. Mankind is one. We have different races, backgrounds and lifestyles yet we are the same. In the words of Michael Jackson, "If you want to be my brother, it don't matter if you are black or white". That is what I grew up thinking. In my high school experience, I had the majority of white students. I had a lot of friends who were white, but I had lots of friends who had different races and ethnicity. I never saw them through the lens of "this is my black friend". I never singled out someone based off their race.  It didn't matter to me what race they were, the only thing that mattered is that we were human. Growing up in the LDS religion, I had similar experiences. I grew up knowing that I am a daughter of God. My Heavenly Father loves me along with all of his other sons and daughters. As I grew up and interacted w

I have been reflecting on my time spent in my classroom with my boys with autism or in my fieldwork. My fieldwork is with adults with mental and physical disabilities. I would have never imagined myself working with this population but I absolutely love it. Working with disabilities is challenging but it is so rewarding at the same time. From my posts before, I think I have talked about that a lot. All they really need is a loving person with a sincere interest in their life. Someone who will actually listen to them and just have fun with them. Today there was this guy at my fieldwork who was talking about his favorite radio stations in Texas. He was naming off each radio station, what kind of music, the name of the station and why he liked/disliked the station. This isn't my favorite topic. I don't know anything about radio stations in Texas. I have never been to Texas. All I did was just listen to the client about his interests of radio stations. He told me after a while

In my Diversity class, we are learning about immigration and the melting pot. Every immigrant had their unique culture and lifestyle before moving to America to live the "american dream". I enjoy learning about history but learning about this history has made me upset. Don't get me wrong, I am American. I love America. My family moved here and I am so glad they moved here way back when. The American Dream was about freedom. So many people were oppressed and not receiving rights in their country. They found out that they could own land if they immigrated. They learned they could have more rights if they moved. What did they do? They moved. For some people, they received everything they wanted. For most people, they had some more opportunities but found themselves stuck. There weren't many job opportunities for immigrants who were the minority, so they were stuck in jobs of hard labor in harsh living situations. The hardest part that I am learning about is assimil

Lately I have been doing some posts about my school. This one will be about my ridiculousness that has happened this last weekend. So, this weekend was my fun, not worry about school at all weekend. It was great. Very much needed. Now I will pay for it this week as I have to do so much work. This weekend can be my catch up weekend. I had some funny moments though. Tonight, I went to a fireside with a friend and then came home and played monopoly deal with my brother and sister in law. I hate playing games with my brother. He is the kind of person who will complain about the game if he is loosing. If he is winning, he will explain why he is winning. Once he wins, he will apologize and not mean it about how he feels so bad about us losers. Then he will drag on about how he was the winner. Who wants to be around him? So, we are playing this game and making chicken noises. Let me explain why we are making chicken noises. I know that not many people make chicken noises while playing b

For those of you who don't me, you should know that I am very passionate about music. I believe that music has a healing power that can touch the heart. I play the piano and started taking lessons when I was in 1st grade. Of course I was a stubborn child and I hated piano lessons. My poor piano teacher had to deal with me saying how I thought piano was stupid. My mother kept paying for lessons so I was forced to go to my lessons and just tell my teacher how piano was the dumbest invention ever created. It wasn't until years later where I realized how powerful music is.  I could write a whole blog on how music has healed me and how I have seen it heal others. I want to share a couple of experiences though.  At my fieldwork, I work at an adult health care center for adults who have physical or mental disabilities. I am new to these kind of fieldwork. Working with middle school students with autism was amazing but much different than this population. There is one client who

We live in the present. We don't live in the future or past. The past already happened and we can't do anything to bring it back. I know that in Harry Potter, they have that clock that brings them back and they can change the past. We don't live in Harry Potter world, so we can't do that.  Many people's problems occur because they carry the past with them in the present. They carry this event or emotion that was in the past in the current moment. As they live in the current moment, all their energy is going to how they were hurt. This cycle happens where there is hurt, anger and an entitlement to where we feel like we deserve to feel this way because they did us wrong. We are the victim. We are hurt and in some ways deserve to get our revenge.  This process is wrong.  Everyone has gone through it though.  I remember when my ex boyfriend hurt me with his selection of words. These words were extremely hurtful and I carried these words with me. Wheneve

Lately, I have been experiencing a lot of self doubt as I have started this program. I compare myself to a lot of the other students who have amazing experiences at all these agencies and I feel like I don't have anything to offer. It is really easy to get down on yourself when you compare yourself to other people. It is a pathway that leads downhill really quickly. You don't want to go down that pathway, trust me. I was driving home from school today and it really got to me. I started feeling so inadequate and then I didn't even know why I was doing graduate school. I came home and then I just started evaluating why I was feeling that way. Graduate school is really hard. I am a full time student with a lot of demands and responsibilities. My graduate program is good, but sometimes I don't agree with everything they talk about in classes. Sometimes my religious beliefs and the program contrast, and it can be hard to find out which truth I want to cling on to. Which

Have you ever just stared at strangers eyes for a long period of time? Probably not. I am assuming most people haven't. I am not talking about staring at someone you love. That is not a awkward stare when you are in a daze of your special loved one's beauty. I mean staring at a stranger and looking at them in the eye for an extended amount of time. For my class today, we had to stare at a stranger for a long time. We would step in closer until our feet were touching and I was way out of my comfort zone. In western culture, we have our personal space and mine was violated today. At first, I would look away but then look back at my partner because I could feel their eyes on me. It was really uncomfortable. What was the point of this awkward exercise? Let me tell you. We learned about how as social workers are meant to create. We create this relationship where our clients are comfortable talking about really hard things. You don't go to a social worker because your lif

For my very first class in my program, It is called Social Work and Diverse Populations. The teacher starts talking about how we will experience triggers in our life and our professional career. We will be working with a client who says something or is experiencing something that will trigger us. She explained the importance of knowing how to handle our triggers in a professional manner when working with a client.  A trigger can be a word, action, image or sound. A trigger is anything that causes a reaction. Everyone has their unique triggers based on their experiences. She then explained how the purpose of this class was to purposely trigger us so we would know what triggers us and why. We are talking about diverse populations and the fun "isms". You know what I mean right? Sexism, racism...It is going to be a class where we are talking about touchy items. We had to discuss how to create a zone where everyone is heard, respected and validated. We need to have this found

As I have already written, I am going back to get my masters in social work. Because I am doing a full time program, I have to quit my job as a permanent paraeducator in the middle school classroom. It has been a bittersweet ending. I have been challenged so much in my job and have so many good memories.  I will miss the kids so much. The whole reason we go to school everyday is because of them. The kids priorities are first and should always be first. They don't make sense a lot of the time. They can be annoying a lot of the time. It doesn't matter to me though because they have the biggest hearts. They have taught me more than I have taught them. All these lessons about math, art, reading, cooking and functional living skills are important, but the most important skills are learned just through my daily interactions with them. The lessons that are the most important are not taught in a textbook . They are taught from heart to heart. The kids have touched my hearts and I wi

Lately, I have been thinking about this change of responsibility in my life. I am really excited for graduate school as I have been going to orientations. There is one thing that I am starting to notice though. I am entering this phase of life called being a adult. I have been an adult since I was the age of 18. I left home and went to a college out of state and working on my bachelor's degree. When I was doing that, I still felt like a teenage in a lot of ways. I was in this awkward in between stage between an adult and teenager. It is called the emerging adult. We don't know what to call ourselves, so we created this name for our generation and the way we view ourselves. Now as I enter my graduate program, I am realizing that this is the start of a new journey. It is a professional journey. It is a journey that leads to a actual career job. The kind of job that you have your butt off because you went to school and read lots of textbooks and did lots of internships. This is

I had a major reality check today. I have just been enjoying my summer lately. I went to Tahoe and I just felt so relaxed and calm there. The water was absolutely beautiful. I had one of those moments where I had a silent prayer because I was so grateful that I was in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Then I went to work today, which means the end of summer. I am working for two weeks and then I resign to start my MSW program. Everyone at work today kept asking me about my program. I was excited to talk about it, but then I came home. I had a realization that my life was changing. I am doing a masters program. This is a big deal. This a big investment. I am investing my life, money, and time for two years. After this thought came into my mind, I have had butterflies in my stomach all day. They are not the beautiful kind of butterflies. They are the anxious ones. The butterflies that are annoying because my insides are going crazy. Reality is hitting me right now and I don&

I was just reflecting on the past year since It has almost been a year since I postponed my mission to Buenos Aires West, Argentina. I was supposed to leave on July 31st in 3 days. Craziness. It has been quite the year. There has been a lot of surprises and stretching that has happened. I have been put in uncomfortable positions and had a lot of growth from feeling uncomfortable. I do have good news though. When I was praying about my mission, I always had this strong desire to get my MSW. Nothing seemed to be working out for me to go to graduate school. I kept getting rejected. I kept spending more money on sending applications and transcripts. I kept getting the feeling to not worry about it and move on with my life. "How can I move on when it is my dream?" That is how I felt. I moved on and started making new plans and starting acting on them. I was going to get my teaching credential and started applying for a teaching credential program.  My mother came in random

Patience has been something that has been on my mind a lot recently. I can be a stubborn person and when I want something, I want it now. I don't want to wait for whatever I am desiring. My stubbornness is something I am trying to work on. I want to become a little more flexible and patient. This will be a lifelong journey for me to change my stubbornness.  First some funny things about patience. I went to the temple today and was praying to have patience. Well, let me tell you when you pray for patience, things happen. I had to wait more than the usual time as I was in the temple. I had to wait to change for 10 minutes because someone was in my stall. When I was driving home, I was stuck behind a truck the whole time. I kept hoping it would turn so I could speed up, but it didn't. I just had to drive slow behind the truck the whole drive home. So, pray for patience and you will have plenty of opportunities to exercise your patience.   As I have been reflecting on p

This summer break has been fantastic. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself because I am not working. I get to develop other hobbies other than working with my kids. I love my kids and I do miss them, but I have loved getting to do other things with my time! So, I have a couple of updates on my life. My brother and sister in law moved in for at least a year. It has been quite a change from my previous living arrangements. Before, It was like I had the house to myself. Now, I have to share the space and be quiet at earlier times. It has its benefits. I love spending time with my family and I have the two cutest boys I can play with all day long. I should be studying for the CSET, but I get distracted because of the boys. We watch baby einstein together, dance to strauss, play with water, they have their nude time and sing bingo. We have a party everyday. I have their old queen size bed. It is huge and we had to rearrange my room to fit it in. I can sleep in so many positio

So, I am going to post about my job again. I just have been reflecting on the past school year. I have worked in my job for almost a year! The school year ended and some of the kids promoted. It was really sad. I don't like thinking about how they promoted and won't be there next year. The classroom will feel somewhat empty without them there. Over the past year, I have learned so much from these kidos. I have learned about love, laughter, intelligence, learning processes, behavior discipline, reinforcement...I could go on forever. I think the most important thing I have learned about is the definition of normal and "cool".  These kids are not "normal". They are autistic. They have special needs. They have annoying behaviors, aggressive tantrums, loud tantrums, non-compliance issues. They sometimes have OCD. They sometimes throw tantrums because things aren't going there way or because something is too hard. People look at the kids and think they are

So, I was so excited when I was turning 22 because Taylor Swift had a song that related exactly to being 22, but I didn't realize how true it is until now. Now I am turning 23, and the only song I have found about 23 is about how nobody likes you when your 23 ( Blink 182) and a song about a kid who committed suicide when he was 23. Based off of these songs, I am not exactly sure of what 23 will be like. Lets hope that it is better than these predictions? Well, Taylor Swift song talks about how we feel happy, free, confused, miserable, lonely and magical at the same time. How can you feel those emotions at the same time? You can. As I have been reflecting over my last year, I've had some of the most joyful, awkward and just hard experiences. I graduated from college with a degree which you can't do anything. Postponed indefinitely my mission. Bought a car. Got rejected from grad school. Re-evaluated my career options. Still am not sure of what I want to do, but I will

From my experiences working with autistic children, I have learned more about their ability to love more than anything. Although they can express their love, communication is really hard. I can easily become frustrated as I ask the same question multiple times. They don't listen to me. They hear me but wait a couple minutes to respond. This processing delay makes you think that they don't care about what you're telling about them about. It is a one way conversation most of the time with the kids in the classroom. When they do respond, it is oftentimes unrelated or due to their "scripting" (their obsessive thought process). In most of my conversations outside work, the response is very quick and reciprocal. I make a comment and they respond with a comment relating to what I said. It is a two way conversation with listening and talking both ways. When you are only having a one way conversation, it is easy to feel unloved or uncared for. It can be frustrating a

I am sure we have all asked this question a number of times in our life. We think, "I am doing everything to meet this future person, but nothing is working out for me". We sometimes may even be angry at God because he hasn't helped us in meeting that "perfect" person. Being in this dating scene, I have observed a couple of things that make it difficult to date. I am not a expert on dating. I don't claim to be, I am just wanting to write about some observations I have made. We are too closed minded . When entering the dating scene, we need to be open minded . I am not saying, "be open minded...date the person completely wrong for you!". I am just saying, don't be so closed minded that people who may be good for you aren't pushed off into the distance because they don't meet your expectations. Do you remember the lists of qualities we want in our future spouse? Here is an example of one (It isn't mine, I just made it up):        

So, I didn't finish my month of being thankful. Better late then never? I had a hard time being grateful the last month of the year. I had the flu on my week of vacation. Really? Is that a curse? I was mad because it was my vacation time and I had the flu. But, I did learn a lot from it and it gave me some new perspective in a way. Let me finish my things I am grateful for. Day 17: Settlers of Catan. I can beat my brothers like no other unless they team up agaisnt me. Day 18: Ginger ale. I drank so much of it when I was sick and it definitely helped. Day 19: The season of gift giving. It is the time where we think less of ourselves and more about others. Can we do it more than just the holiday season? Day 20: The temple. I haven't been there in a while and I miss it. I love the feeling when you know that Heavenly Father is close to you and loves you. It is the place where I feel happiness on this earth. Day 21: My nephews. I love watching them change everyday. They are le