Why am I single? Try lowering your expectations

I am sure we have all asked this question a number of times in our life. We think, "I am doing everything to meet this future person, but nothing is working out for me". We sometimes may even be angry at God because he hasn't helped us in meeting that "perfect" person. Being in this dating scene, I have observed a couple of things that make it difficult to date. I am not a expert on dating. I don't claim to be, I am just wanting to write about some observations I have made.

We are too closed minded. When entering the dating scene, we need to be open minded. I am not saying, "be open minded...date the person completely wrong for you!". I am just saying, don't be so closed minded that people who may be good for you aren't pushed off into the distance because they don't meet your expectations. Do you remember the lists of qualities we want in our future spouse? Here is an example of one (It isn't mine, I just made it up):
         I want to marry someone:

  • Tall, dark and handsome
  • Plays basketball
  • Speaks 3 languages
  • Can cook 
  • Six pack
  • Doctor
  • Sings, plays piano
  • Volunteers with the homeless
  • Sensitive
  • Strong
  • Good with kids
  • Good fashion sense
  • Rich
  • Strong testimony in the church
  • Good sense of humor
  • Athletic
I could go on with my unrealistic list, right? I could dream forever about this perfect man and never find him. I could meet people who have half of my dream man characteristics, but I might reject them because they are not good enough for me. Ridiculous. 

This is why we are single. Throw out your list. Right now. I really do mean it. I have a alternative proposition that may help you become more open minded. Don't lower your standards but lower your expectations. That may sound confusing, but I will explain. Your standards are the essential things that are MOST important. Your expectations are things that you want and prefer in your future spouse. So, this is what I am proposing:

My standards Things I must have in my future spouse. The deal breakers. If they don't have these traits, then I won't date them. 
Preferred characteristics: Things that help with compatibility...hobbies...personality traits...
What I want: These can be the things that are non necessary but you would like in your future spouse. You can live without them, but if they had them, that would be great. 

Now, if we use this maybe we would be more open minded in our dating experiences. We meet someone and our first thought isn't: Do they meet our checklist? Instead it is: Do they meet my standards? Changing the way we approach the "checking out" of a person or "compatibility test" with this approach may help us find people who are good for us. They may not be perfect people. If we are looking for the perfect person, we will be single forever. If someone meets our standards, then we can check for compatibility. And note, they may not be perfectly compatible. You may have common interests but not everything matched up. That is okay. Sometimes the differences make relationships exciting because you can learn to appreciate new things from your spouse.  

I wish I could say this is a "magical solution" and I am engaged to a wonderful man. I am not, but I know that as I learn from my dating experiences that I will meet someone who will be wonderful. He won't be perfect and I am okay with that. I hope you can learn from my dating experiences and lower your expectations. I don't want my future spouse to expect me to be perfect because he will be let down everyday. I do the best I can, but I am far from perfect. 

So, just try it. See what happens when you lower your expectations.  Look for someone who meets your standards but all of the other expectations, be a little more flexible if not every expectation is not met. 

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