The Problem with Change

I have been reflecting on this idea of change frequently. I know that I have posted about change occasionally in my blog, but it is a constant process. Things around us are changing or we might be in the process of changing. If I have learned one thing since I graduated high school, I have learned to expect change.

Since I have started my program, I have felt myself change. I am still me. I still have similar interests. I still love the things that I did before. I have a different schedule now though. That means, I don't stay up late like I did before. In my free time, I do different things. I have different priorities. I care more about social issues. I am more aware of the "isms' (racism, sexism...) around me. My goals are changing. My conversations with friends are changing. 

The problem with change is sometimes you change while your environment remains the same. Do you know what I mean? For example, I feel like I am changing but I feel like my friends around me are still in the same position as before. I am not trying to say that I am better than them because I am changing. They expect me to be the same person I was 6 months ago. The truth is that I am not the person I was 6 months ago. I won't be the same person in the future 6 months. The more time passes, the more I will change.

This can create a sense of disparity as there is a expectation that can't be fulfilled. People expect you to a person from "the past". You can either go back to that "person" or acknowledge your change. 

This is my current issue that I am exploring. I want be my "changed" self with my friends but find it hard to relate with them. 

I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose my friendship with my friends but I feel like it's slipping. When I try to connect with them, I feel like I go back to my old self. It's like I have "two self's". I go back to that identity and then continue on with daily life and go back to the "new self". I have no idea if this is making sense to anyone else, but this is how I feel. 

This thing called identity is interesting. We identity ourselves according to our profession, relationship, religion, friendships, location, gender, sexual orientation. Some parts of our identity are constant while others change through our life experience. I will always be a daughter of God. Other parts of my identity may change. 

Trying to figure out your identity as you change will be a constant process. I think this is a struggle that we all deal with. This is the base of a "mid-life crisis", "emerging adulthood", "tween stage", "empty nester". All of these developmental stages center on the question of "who I am among this new change". 

So, I believe change is a beautiful thing. If we didn't have change, we would live a boring life full of no growth. Because of change, we experience what Carl Rogers called "self actualization", or becoming a complete person. The problem with change is the constant reformation of our identity.