My Simple, Happy, Beautiful Life

Most psychology majors want to go grad school because it will open up new possibilities with new jobs. I went to Psychology Society tonight and we talked about applications and how to prepare for graduate school. My friend was there and she started freaking out saying that grad school was impossible. It made me think about the reality of grad school. I still have plenty of time before I start applying but its good to have a clear vision of reality. She said that Grad school was really hard. It was time demanding. You have classes with reading assignments all day everyday. You are never done learning. There is always something new to learn. You have to stay on top of all the current studies and be aware of different scientists. Grad school scares me a little bit. I have to prepare for the GRE. I need experience with a internship and research experience. The thing that excites me now is the fact that I choose what I want to research. I can choose any advisor and then work under them wh...

Lately, I have been feeling down. I am still scared for my future yet I know that I will make it through this. I have learned the power of my thoughts and letting darkness in. I was so caught up in my future that I let it take over my life with anxiety and worry. What if I made the wrong decision? What if my life turned out that I would be miserable? What if I was going to be the single the rest of my life? What if I didn't get into graduate school? My life is full of options and at first that was a positive thing. I could do whatever I wanted with all of my open doors. A turn came when open doors scared me. Open doors became closed doors. Faith became fear. Light became darkness. I felt a contrast in my life as my thoughts were changing. I started closing up and not letting other people know until one day I felt like I couldn't function when I was alone. In public, I was happy but then when I was alone I felt this empty void where I felt my future was full of blackness. It w...

It is my favorite time of the day. I love bedtime. This is my philosophy. You grow up and you don't want to have a curfew and bedtime. It is a restriction that people try to get rid of. You want independence until you realize that independence is better and more successful when you have a bedtime. It is kinda ironic the fact that you get rid of bedtime and naptime and your life becomes crazy. Then you get older and reorganize your life with it and then everything fits together.  My least favorite time of the day is hearing that alarm clock. I dream and have this wonderful thing happen and then I come back to reality. I hate realizing that everything that is happy fleets away in one sad moment. Then I realize that I can go to bed later that night and come back to my false reality. So guess what? It is my bedtime. I am not ashamed to have a bedtime. I will embrace this bedime until tomorrow morning when I wake up and start another day full of class, homework, Psychology Society, S...

Today there was a talk about having a clean slate for this semester. Just hearing that made me think about second chances. We all have them. Everyday we have a second chance for happiness, success, relief, new friends and new goals. During the school break I wasted a lot of time doing nothing. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed it, but it made me think of what I could of done over the break! I wasn't proactive. I have had this new attitude just happen to become proactive. Make things happen. If things aren't going the way you want them try to change it! I know somethings you can't change. You can't make someone love you. You can't make strangers be friends. You can't make someone want to be your friend, but you can attempt to be their friend and encourage friendship. There is no bad things that happen because you tried. Only good things can happen when you put effort into a goal. So this is my new philosophy. Each day is a new day. As my friend Annie has s...

Like before, I was a Get Connected Leader for Orientation. It was a great and tiring experience. I learned a lot about leadership. It takes time, energy and a positive attitude. Everyone will look up to you because you are the one with the more expertise. They watch you. They will ask you questions. They will notice everything you do. Your actions will impact the people in your group. If I don't include someone, I can make someone's experience awful yet I have the power to make their experience wonderful. It is hard to make everyone be friends because it is impossible. I have learned about people's agency in making friendships. You can't force people to be friends. Many time I would encourage friendships and encourage group unity yet sometimes it was hard when cliques became natural for the group. Having a positive attitude is hard to carry all day. I wanted to a positive leader with a fun attitude and spirit. I never realized how much energy it would suck out of me to ...

Just felt love for everyone in the room? I haven't, well I guess at EFY, but not at this capacity. I am doing Get Connected as a Leader for Freshmen Orientation at BYU Idaho. The training is all day literally but I love my group. I was doubting how people could talk about making instant best friends during the training. We were singing hymns for the closing session last night and the spirit was so strong. I was walking out and this girl we had a class with freshman year just hugged me. All I knew was her name yet I could just feel her love for me and I could feel my love for her. Anyways, It is an amazing feeling when you don't know anything about the person but you can just feel love for them. You can look at them and see them as God sees them. She was amazing and wonderful and yet I really don't know her! I don't know her favorite cereal or major. All I know is that I love her. Yes, It is a wonderful feeling.

I always wonder about dreams. Last night I dreamed of spiders. They were furry and ugly. There were spiders of all colors. There were neon and neutral colors. They all had big eyes and followed me in this freaky cabin that was uninhabited for 20 years. There was a basement I never dared to go into because there was a garden full of spiders. There were sticky spider webs everywhere that I was getting caught into. Spiders were hanging from the ceiling and crawling in my hair. Did you know that sticky spiderwebs mean it is from a black widow? My sister in law taught me this a while ago.  I haven't had a nightmare like that for a long time. I just  Here is my question: Why did God make spiders? Most creatures have a purpose and help the planet in some way. Spiders are born just to torment us. They crawl and they are ugly and creepy. I don't see the reason for their creation. Maybe someday in Heaven I will not have to co exist with spiders. They will have their own individual pla...