Bittersweet Ending
As I have already written, I am going back to get my masters in social work. Because I am doing a full time program, I have to quit my job as a permanent paraeducator in the middle school classroom. It has been a bittersweet ending. I have been challenged so much in my job and have so many good memories.
I will miss the kids so much. The whole reason we go to school everyday is because of them. The kids priorities are first and should always be first. They don't make sense a lot of the time. They can be annoying a lot of the time. It doesn't matter to me though because they have the biggest hearts. They have taught me more than I have taught them. All these lessons about math, art, reading, cooking and functional living skills are important, but the most important skills are learned just through my daily interactions with them. The lessons that are the most important are not taught in a textbook. They are taught from heart to heart. The kids have touched my hearts and I will always remember the influence they have left on me.
While saying goodbye to a kid in the classroom, he hugged me and told me he loved me. It was so simple yet so sweet. It's moments where like that make every moment worth it. Sometimes it was hard to get up and go to work because it was stressful. I would come home exhausted from work, but having a sweet moment like that makes everything have a purpose. These kids need educators who love them for who they are. They need educators who will work hard and advocate for them. Being able to be part of their lives and advocate for them even for a year was one of the most rewarding experience I've had. It gave my life a stronger sense of meaning and motivation to get out of comfort zone.
Words cannot even picture how much this past year has meant to me. I have so many memories or "vines" like I talked about before that are engraved. They are moments that are silly, sad, happy, inspiring, frustrating and funny. Moments where they would just randomly hug me. Moments where they would do a goofy dance and not care what other people thought about them. Moments where they would tell you that they loved you. Moments where they would scream out random disney quotes. Moments where they would ask me where Mr. Jensen was. I was caught off guard by that question. haha. Moments where they asked me if my dead dog was going to come back alive. Wishing me happy valentines day daily months after it passed. Having to teach them the importance of bodily boundaries. Singing the USSR national anthem and hearing it 5000 times per day. Making mustaches out of play doh. Watching girls reenact Freaky friday on youtube every day because it was the video that made the student calm. I could write paragraphs about all of these individual moments that I cherish.
I am going to miss my coworkers so much. I have developed such strong relationships with my coworkers since we've worked together pretty much all day. Being in the same room for a day makes you close knit. I can joke with them. I can cry in front of them. We can vent to each other. We can laugh at funny things that happen in the classroom. I will miss not being in the classroom with them because being with them was what made work fun. I am so happy that I have their support in moving forward. They have all encouraged me to move forward and go back to school.
Working in special education with these kids has been quite the unpredictable adventure. I can't explain to others what it is like to work in the classroom. It has changed me. I think I have changed more than I have changed the kids. In order to understand, I think people have to either work or visit the classroom. The relationship may seem one sided to other people. It is not a ordinary relationship I have with these kids. It may sound weird when you look and watch their behavior as I talk about how they've changed me. When you give them one judgment, you may pass them by. As you get to know them and see them change everyday, they will amaze you with their capacity to grow. They are not dumb. They are not boring. They are dynamic individuals who brighten up your day as you watch them grow and laugh. They teach you about how to live life and appreciate the moment. They teach you about what it really means to be happy.
One kid is always smiling everyday. It can be raining or sunny. It seems like in whatever conditions he is in, he can find something to laugh about. He gets other kids to laugh with them. When I am teaching him, it is hard because he is so distracted. I often wonder what is making him laugh and try to find things to laugh at as well. Life is meant to be enjoyed. It is meant to be filled with laughter. These simply lessons are taught to me by these kids.
So, I will always remember my year working in the classroom. This post sounds really cliche, but I swear that every word I have said is true, I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to work with the autism team and kids in the classroom. It was a unforgettable year full of hard times yet I would never change anything that happened.
I will miss the kids so much. The whole reason we go to school everyday is because of them. The kids priorities are first and should always be first. They don't make sense a lot of the time. They can be annoying a lot of the time. It doesn't matter to me though because they have the biggest hearts. They have taught me more than I have taught them. All these lessons about math, art, reading, cooking and functional living skills are important, but the most important skills are learned just through my daily interactions with them. The lessons that are the most important are not taught in a textbook. They are taught from heart to heart. The kids have touched my hearts and I will always remember the influence they have left on me.
While saying goodbye to a kid in the classroom, he hugged me and told me he loved me. It was so simple yet so sweet. It's moments where like that make every moment worth it. Sometimes it was hard to get up and go to work because it was stressful. I would come home exhausted from work, but having a sweet moment like that makes everything have a purpose. These kids need educators who love them for who they are. They need educators who will work hard and advocate for them. Being able to be part of their lives and advocate for them even for a year was one of the most rewarding experience I've had. It gave my life a stronger sense of meaning and motivation to get out of comfort zone.
Words cannot even picture how much this past year has meant to me. I have so many memories or "vines" like I talked about before that are engraved. They are moments that are silly, sad, happy, inspiring, frustrating and funny. Moments where they would just randomly hug me. Moments where they would do a goofy dance and not care what other people thought about them. Moments where they would tell you that they loved you. Moments where they would scream out random disney quotes. Moments where they would ask me where Mr. Jensen was. I was caught off guard by that question. haha. Moments where they asked me if my dead dog was going to come back alive. Wishing me happy valentines day daily months after it passed. Having to teach them the importance of bodily boundaries. Singing the USSR national anthem and hearing it 5000 times per day. Making mustaches out of play doh. Watching girls reenact Freaky friday on youtube every day because it was the video that made the student calm. I could write paragraphs about all of these individual moments that I cherish.
I am going to miss my coworkers so much. I have developed such strong relationships with my coworkers since we've worked together pretty much all day. Being in the same room for a day makes you close knit. I can joke with them. I can cry in front of them. We can vent to each other. We can laugh at funny things that happen in the classroom. I will miss not being in the classroom with them because being with them was what made work fun. I am so happy that I have their support in moving forward. They have all encouraged me to move forward and go back to school.
Working in special education with these kids has been quite the unpredictable adventure. I can't explain to others what it is like to work in the classroom. It has changed me. I think I have changed more than I have changed the kids. In order to understand, I think people have to either work or visit the classroom. The relationship may seem one sided to other people. It is not a ordinary relationship I have with these kids. It may sound weird when you look and watch their behavior as I talk about how they've changed me. When you give them one judgment, you may pass them by. As you get to know them and see them change everyday, they will amaze you with their capacity to grow. They are not dumb. They are not boring. They are dynamic individuals who brighten up your day as you watch them grow and laugh. They teach you about how to live life and appreciate the moment. They teach you about what it really means to be happy.
One kid is always smiling everyday. It can be raining or sunny. It seems like in whatever conditions he is in, he can find something to laugh about. He gets other kids to laugh with them. When I am teaching him, it is hard because he is so distracted. I often wonder what is making him laugh and try to find things to laugh at as well. Life is meant to be enjoyed. It is meant to be filled with laughter. These simply lessons are taught to me by these kids.
So, I will always remember my year working in the classroom. This post sounds really cliche, but I swear that every word I have said is true, I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to work with the autism team and kids in the classroom. It was a unforgettable year full of hard times yet I would never change anything that happened.
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