20 is still young
I have to remind myself that even though I am 20 and not married that doesn't mean I am a failure. I feel like all of my friends are getting married, engaged or going on a mission. They have this hopeful future ahead of them and it is hard to not to realize that I am really young. BYU Idaho is a pressure cooker. There is so much pressure to get married that I feel like If I was going to graduate without a ring on my finger than I am a failure.This is total illogical thinking. In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, they deal with illogical thoughts. I think BYU Idaho needs some REBT to reduce marriage expectations and fears.
The rest of the world is different than us LDS young single adults. Education is very important. It is above marriage. The marriage ages are higher. If my neighbor came home from college not married, nobody would judge or chastise her. It is perfectly normal for her. Why can't it be perfectly normal for me to be single with no prospects of marriage at age 20? Why do I need pressure in order to fit in the married people? I know that marriage is important yet it shouldn't be pushing me to start a relationship based on the fact I need to get married soon.
I was talking to my friend today who is 20 as well. She just broke up with her boyfriend and feels like there is no hope in her future for her love life. The thing is she is 20! There is still plenty of time. Why should young single adults have this pressure, frustration, worry, anxiety that we will never meet a spouse.
Part of this worry comes from living in Rexburg, ID and being on the marriage focused campus. If I was on any other college campus, my life would be focused on having fun and working hard for grad school. I long for that focus on the BYU Idaho campus. Yes, marriage is important. But I think this focus hinders marriage.
The focus brings anxiety and fear. It creates commitment issues. It makes relationships develop quickly in order to plan the wedding faster. People go ring shopping after not knowing each for very long because they feel like they are doing the right thing. What if focusing on getting married is hindering creating long term healthy relationships and increasing the divorce rate? People rush into things out of fear and desire to follow the crowd. What if I never get married here, that means I will never get married. That thinking process is completely irrational. Don't ever fall into this trap.
The truth is even if you graduate from BYU Idaho single, everything will work out for good. It may seem more convenient to get married while in college.You may think there is a better selection of people who are good members of the church. But, God won't leave you alone. If you are doing everything and are worthy, you will be guided to where you should be to meet someone you could love forever. I know that to be true. So stop fretting and start living. Enjoy your life and don't live with fear that your spouse will never come into your picture.
The rest of the world is different than us LDS young single adults. Education is very important. It is above marriage. The marriage ages are higher. If my neighbor came home from college not married, nobody would judge or chastise her. It is perfectly normal for her. Why can't it be perfectly normal for me to be single with no prospects of marriage at age 20? Why do I need pressure in order to fit in the married people? I know that marriage is important yet it shouldn't be pushing me to start a relationship based on the fact I need to get married soon.
I was talking to my friend today who is 20 as well. She just broke up with her boyfriend and feels like there is no hope in her future for her love life. The thing is she is 20! There is still plenty of time. Why should young single adults have this pressure, frustration, worry, anxiety that we will never meet a spouse.
Part of this worry comes from living in Rexburg, ID and being on the marriage focused campus. If I was on any other college campus, my life would be focused on having fun and working hard for grad school. I long for that focus on the BYU Idaho campus. Yes, marriage is important. But I think this focus hinders marriage.
The focus brings anxiety and fear. It creates commitment issues. It makes relationships develop quickly in order to plan the wedding faster. People go ring shopping after not knowing each for very long because they feel like they are doing the right thing. What if focusing on getting married is hindering creating long term healthy relationships and increasing the divorce rate? People rush into things out of fear and desire to follow the crowd. What if I never get married here, that means I will never get married. That thinking process is completely irrational. Don't ever fall into this trap.
The truth is even if you graduate from BYU Idaho single, everything will work out for good. It may seem more convenient to get married while in college.You may think there is a better selection of people who are good members of the church. But, God won't leave you alone. If you are doing everything and are worthy, you will be guided to where you should be to meet someone you could love forever. I know that to be true. So stop fretting and start living. Enjoy your life and don't live with fear that your spouse will never come into your picture.
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