Doubting
You know what I hate? Those moments when your insecurities just seem to take over your emotions. Fear just makes you feel miserable as you look at your life situation. It is crazy because some moments you think your life is wonderful and there are so many blessings, then you start doubting as your insecurities become strong and real. You know that you are being ridiculous and you try to talk yourself out but nothing seems to work. Tonight was just one of those nights when I asked myself those questions you avoid because they just make you feel invisible and worthless.
The thing I learned from tonight is that we experience these moments where our life plan seems unclear and we just feel invisible to the world. I don't understand why some people feel a need for connection with people around them more than others. My roommate dosen't feel a need to socialize. She told me she can be alone for a day without talking to people and be perfectly content. I long for social connections with others whether it be a friend or someone I just met. I feel like this change has been hard because I still need to make a connection with people around me. I slowly am and most of the time I am upbeat about this change. There are this somewhat dark moments where I know that Satan is just smiling because he knows his powerful methods are working. I hate it. I just want to say...I don't want him to win anymore.
I want to be strong and not doubt. I know it is a natural reaction to doubt when you are adjusting to new surroundings and when you are facing the unknown. I don't want to do the natural thing. I want to be different and have this perfect faith that my life will turn out as I work hard to reach my goals. In these times of doubt, I see a flickering light out of the darkness. I try to reach for it and then it slowly fades away back into darkness. I want my life to be full of light and hope. Iwant to wake up with this knowledge that my day will be full of joy. I know it is possible with my religion.
I think one of my New Years Resolutions is going to be turning fear into faith. Whenever I have a negative thought, I will replace it with a positive thought. I am not going to be unrealistic, but I am going to be realistically optomistic. I know that my life isn't perfect and I know that I can find faith and remove doubt in my unperfect life. I will not let doubt and fear overrun my life and make my decisions for me. I will be happy and optomistic. Yes, this will be my new years resolution!
The thing I learned from tonight is that we experience these moments where our life plan seems unclear and we just feel invisible to the world. I don't understand why some people feel a need for connection with people around them more than others. My roommate dosen't feel a need to socialize. She told me she can be alone for a day without talking to people and be perfectly content. I long for social connections with others whether it be a friend or someone I just met. I feel like this change has been hard because I still need to make a connection with people around me. I slowly am and most of the time I am upbeat about this change. There are this somewhat dark moments where I know that Satan is just smiling because he knows his powerful methods are working. I hate it. I just want to say...I don't want him to win anymore.
I want to be strong and not doubt. I know it is a natural reaction to doubt when you are adjusting to new surroundings and when you are facing the unknown. I don't want to do the natural thing. I want to be different and have this perfect faith that my life will turn out as I work hard to reach my goals. In these times of doubt, I see a flickering light out of the darkness. I try to reach for it and then it slowly fades away back into darkness. I want my life to be full of light and hope. Iwant to wake up with this knowledge that my day will be full of joy. I know it is possible with my religion.
I think one of my New Years Resolutions is going to be turning fear into faith. Whenever I have a negative thought, I will replace it with a positive thought. I am not going to be unrealistic, but I am going to be realistically optomistic. I know that my life isn't perfect and I know that I can find faith and remove doubt in my unperfect life. I will not let doubt and fear overrun my life and make my decisions for me. I will be happy and optomistic. Yes, this will be my new years resolution!
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