The hard shells break down into soft ones

I walked to work dreading watching this really boring couple. For my work, I changed watching a different type of therapeutic technique that increases attachment. The couple really struggled opening up, well I guess the husband did. He definitely looks tough just in how he interacts with others and his physical appearance. The therapist had to keep asking him to respond to his wife with more than one word. It was really annoying watching the wife want to work on her marriage and the husband not seeming to care at all. 

But, I learned something tonight. There is no room to judge because you never know what is happening inside of the person. This husband had some insecurities that he was too afraid to reveal. He lived his life in a rock hard shell that was un-crackable. The therapist was becoming annoyed as the wife kept begging for her husband to give her more information. It seemed like the couple was not making any progression after a lot of hard emotional work. 

Then the miracle happened. He opened up. It took him a lot of sessions to feel comfortable sharing his emotions. While watching it, you learned that it was never safe to share emotions in his household. One thing I have learned is that family of origin dosen't determine your success in your marriage but it has a huge impact. So many individuals have to break patterns of interaction and attachment from their family of origin with their new family. 

The session wasn't happy go lucky the rest of the session. The couple still has a lot of issues they have to work through, but it is a beginning. One step forward is sometimes all that you can ask. Progression is slow. Some couples can just move with speed but some take a while. The only thing that is important is that couples are both putting forth that effort to remove negative patterns and replace them with positive patterns that increase attachment. So, I am happy for that couple. Good job. I have learned so many things from my job that I come home and am just grateful for the experience I can gain. I have learned that working on your relationship is emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausting. You see couples leaving ready for bed after pouring their heart, insecurities and sorrows to their spouse. It is hard work. I admire the couples willing to put forth the effort to make their relationship better. Becoming emotionally vulnerable is the hardest thing you can do in life. I do have personal bias, but I do believe that working with families and emotions is difficult. 

That is why I love my job. It is emotionally difficult. It is so rewarding. You see changes even if they are slight. Even if they hug at night instead of sitting on the opposite side of the coach. That is one family improving. And sometimes one change in one family is what makes a job worthwhile. Yes, it would be great to watch every therapy session and see that every problem is fixed, but the work of fixing a relationship is worthwhile. 

Don't give up on the hard shells. There is some part of their shell that is soft, even if it is deep inside the hard shell.