My confusing life

I am going to post my friends status to show how it can be confusing: "It's hard living in different places and visiting home. cuz you realize nothing changed but you. wish I could stay in just one place so I didn't feel so out of place or different sometimes. I can't settle or get to know people better cuz I just leave anyway". Well, I understand her point because I feel the same way. 

 I am in a different place and sometimes it is hard for me to relate to others. I could. It dosen't seem worthwhile when I know that I am leaving in two weeks again. I feel bad because I bet the people in my ysa ward are really nice and I could get along with them, I just have a hard time. I don't want to sound like I am better than everyone else in my ward. I am just at a different place at my life. It is frustrating and hard to come home. The good thing about this break were my nephews. Without them, I probably would of been bored. These twins are so cute. I love them so much. Every morning I would wake up and go and hold one of my nephews. It was my favorite part of the break. They aren't very responsive, but they make the funniest faces and just make me laugh. Seriously, I love my nephews. 

I am tired of this constant fluctuation of locations, friends and routines. I want to settle down. I am not saying that I want to get married right now. I just mean settle down in that I have a permenant residence where I can make a routine and have friends that are constant. College is a time of constant change. People come, go on missions, get married, drop out, graduate, leave to graduate school...There are so many changes that happen to college students. After I graduate, I was thinking about just teaching international. That would be such a big change. I am just confused in which way I should go. I know I won't know until I graduate. I finished my graduate school application, so I will find out eventually If I get in. 

 I don't really know what I want. That is my probably what makes my life confusing. All my previous ideas have been thrown out, and I am just confused. I like change because with change comes possibilities. I just have a lot of change in my life that sometimes it can be overbearing. Can change be overbearing? I feel it as this big stressful idea in my mind that things are constantly changing. Anyways, my new years resolution is to figure out what I am going to do after I graduate and get rid of this confusion and fear.


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