Applications

I hate filling them out. I already feel done with job applications. I hate telling other people that I am amazing and that they want me. I want  graduate schools or jobs to want me. Unfortunately, it dosen't work that way. I need to make them want me.

Maybe, I get this feeling because I am watching Postgrad which is making me nervous. I don't want to end up like her just confused about life. I feel like It is very possible that I could. It is a emotional rollercoaster knowing that I am graduating. I do love change and find it very exciting. I find it half exciting and half scary. On my facebook, all my friends are getting engaged, going on mission or graduated. I know that I can't be in my undergraduate school my whole life. It would make my life so much easier though.

I was talking with my brother about the nerves of graduating. He told me to let go of my expectations. That is nearly impossible. I live on expectations. He told me to let go of expectations and let whatever happens happen. I know that it is the best advice that I could get from someone as I approach change. I can't expect to get what I want when I want it. I can only work hard, apply, and just let it flow.

And when I wait, just shiver and feel anxious while waiting.

This whole figuring out your post graduation plans is scary and wonderful. I feel like Taylor Swift's song "22". I am confused, lonely, miserable, joyful. I am a range of emotions.

Well, enough about graduation. I am going to try to be hopeful with this change. In the movie, postgrad she finds her happy ending in some manner even though it isn't what she expects. I will find mine as well, I just need to realize I can only take one step at a time. So, here it is to uncertainty and having faith that everything will work out. It is my constant struggle.

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