Patience



I am currently developing my patience as I await acceptance or denials from DisneyWorld and BYU. These acceptances or denials will form my future plans so my decision making has been put on hold until I hear back from them. At times I can be frustrated because I just want to know now. I check my email first thing every morning and every night before I go to bed.

Yet this time is helping me see that I don't have patience. I need to develop it in order to be more Christlike. I talk about making my future great and making plans in order to reach my goals and this scary time of finding out if I can get in to the programs to make my dreams come true is now!  I am pretty sure I will get into the DisneyWorld program again. I might not get the job I want. I want to be a character attendant really bad. I know that I will have fun in Florida again but I don't know if it where I am supposed to be again. I had fun and I learned a lot from the program. I learned about networking, making guests happy and quick paced work because I worked in Magic Kingdom. The more I wait about hearing about getting into BYU, it makes me more nervous and excited. I want to transfer and my desire to transfer just grows the longer I wait!

The thing about waiting is it brings out the insecurities inside of you. It brings out this inner strength when you have to carry a faith that everything will work out in the end for you. I have had to learn to trust. Trusting in people can be hard but trusting in God seems even harder. You would think it should be the exact opposite. God is a perfect man who loves me. I should believe that he will take care of my needs. I am still learning the trust thing. I can't see God. I can't hear his voice directly. I can see my prayers answered indirectly through others words and actions. I have to walk in darkness as I plan for my future not knowing where I am going to be in the next year. I always had a life plan. I always wanted to follow my life plan. I always knew where I was going to be in the next year. Now I have no idea! At first it was exciting, then scary, and now it is just reality. I have learned to deal with my emotions and fears for my future. I have felt comfort and assurance that I have no need to worry. My life will work itself out if I do all that I can do. I do my part and then God will help me with the rest. This reassurance has come slowly but surely. I have received answers to my prayers and doubts little by little.

I have learned the value of those times when we are unsure. They suck when you are going through them. But the lessons you learn from doubt and insecurities is what matters the most. I feel like God gives us these trails and hard times just so we realize we are nothing without him. I want to do everything by myself yet I realize that I can't do everything by myself. He gives me this times to humble myself so I recognize that I depend on him heavily. It would be more ideal if I could just realize this without having to cry and go through sadness. But the ironic thing about this is the fact when you realize you are nothing, you discover you are everything. You learn when you humble yourself before God, that you mean everything to him. It is a ironic truth but it is kinda funny.

Basic truth from this blog: You live and you learn. Develop Patience. The end.

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