My sometimes not so happy beautiful life.
I had a good experience last night talking with a friend from high school. I had some struggles in high school. I never had serious struggles, but I definitely didn't have a perfect high school experience. By the time, I was a senior, I was ready to check out and move on with life. I was tired of drama and my classmates. I dealt with girl drama, sexual harrasement, a break-up, rejection from the college of my choice, difficult classes, personal insecurties, lonliness and self-image problems. I had a lot of good memories and true friends in high school as well, I just learned a lot last night.
I learned that some people were talking behind my back and not saying very kind things about me. Why? I don't know. I never did anything to personally offend them. But, I think I realized that talk that you can't make everyone love you. I don't think those people meant to give me a hard time, if so then it's okay. We were in high school. High school is such a difficult time because everyone is trying to figure themselves out. Everyone has their personal issues and dosen't know how to handle them.
Talking with my friend brought back those memories where I remembered feeling pain, betrayl, ashamed, and lonely. I remembered having not so many happy beautiful moments in my life. I think the encouraging thing I realized is that I came out positive from my high school. I don't think I would ever say that high school days were the best of my life. But, It was benefecial in that the events and friendships helped me shape me into who I am today.
All the negative comments towards me hurt me in the moment. But that gave me a opportunity to forgive and try to understand their perspective in why they said hurtful things. Especially my senior year was very emotionall and hard with my breakup, friends, sexual harrasment, rejection from college and hard teachers. I knew a group of girls who hated me. They would talk bad about me and I would hear about their comments. I remember feeling so frustrated.
I have come to a point where I am grateful for those experiences in my life. I didn't enjoy senior year like most people do. But I learned so many life lessons of strength, grace, dignity and respect. Loving everyone when they don't love you back is one of the hardest things you can do in life. It is one of the most important skills to develop. I had to learn how to let things go and just move on. Looking forward was a important thing for me to do when dealing with hard trials. I remember making friends with a older group because it reminded that I was moving forward. It was extremely helpful to have those friends. I know it may sound weird, but I am thankful for those negative experineces in my life. I wouldn't have the same strength and hope for the future if I didn't deal with those negative experiences.
Especially dealing with sexual harrasement, I hated myself. I didn't find any value in myself for quite a while just because I was told I had no worth unless it was for sex. Sorry, this blog is very personal. I thought all guys wanted girls for was sex. I avoided guys for that reason. I avoided guys because I thought they would cause pain and just wanted sex. That affected me emotionally for a while. Trusting guys was really hard to open up and trust that they wouldn't hurt me. Although it was really hard, I want to think him and say that what he did made me stronger. I should of reported him. I was too afraid. I made a mistake of letting it slide. Don't let people mistreat you. You deserve to be treated well. If anyone sexually harrases you ever, do something about it. It is not acceptable. And there is nothing wrong with you. I really think that he was dealing with some personal issues, and I was the scapegoat. You shouldn't be the scapegoat. I thought something was wrong with me because of everything that happened my senior year. I had a dream one night that I died and no one cared. I woke up crying during the dream. You know, I experienced a low. But the good news is that after a low, there is only one direction to go: UP!
So, I don't know the point in this blog. I don't want anyone to pity with me and say "I am sorry that people mistreated you". I have moved on. I am graduating college soon, and high school was four years ago. It still affects me but in a good way. I am now a different individual from all my trails in high school. So thank you high school friends who weren't very kind to me, I learned a lot about love from you. That sounds so strange, but It is true. I wouldn't be who I am today if my experience magically changed.
Sometimes, a not so happy beautiful life is okay. We all go through things and we just need to accept it. There is a purpose for those not beautiful moments. We don't see them in the moment, but we see them later down the road. Try to keep that eternal perspective.
I learned that some people were talking behind my back and not saying very kind things about me. Why? I don't know. I never did anything to personally offend them. But, I think I realized that talk that you can't make everyone love you. I don't think those people meant to give me a hard time, if so then it's okay. We were in high school. High school is such a difficult time because everyone is trying to figure themselves out. Everyone has their personal issues and dosen't know how to handle them.
Talking with my friend brought back those memories where I remembered feeling pain, betrayl, ashamed, and lonely. I remembered having not so many happy beautiful moments in my life. I think the encouraging thing I realized is that I came out positive from my high school. I don't think I would ever say that high school days were the best of my life. But, It was benefecial in that the events and friendships helped me shape me into who I am today.
All the negative comments towards me hurt me in the moment. But that gave me a opportunity to forgive and try to understand their perspective in why they said hurtful things. Especially my senior year was very emotionall and hard with my breakup, friends, sexual harrasment, rejection from college and hard teachers. I knew a group of girls who hated me. They would talk bad about me and I would hear about their comments. I remember feeling so frustrated.
I have come to a point where I am grateful for those experiences in my life. I didn't enjoy senior year like most people do. But I learned so many life lessons of strength, grace, dignity and respect. Loving everyone when they don't love you back is one of the hardest things you can do in life. It is one of the most important skills to develop. I had to learn how to let things go and just move on. Looking forward was a important thing for me to do when dealing with hard trials. I remember making friends with a older group because it reminded that I was moving forward. It was extremely helpful to have those friends. I know it may sound weird, but I am thankful for those negative experineces in my life. I wouldn't have the same strength and hope for the future if I didn't deal with those negative experiences.
Especially dealing with sexual harrasement, I hated myself. I didn't find any value in myself for quite a while just because I was told I had no worth unless it was for sex. Sorry, this blog is very personal. I thought all guys wanted girls for was sex. I avoided guys for that reason. I avoided guys because I thought they would cause pain and just wanted sex. That affected me emotionally for a while. Trusting guys was really hard to open up and trust that they wouldn't hurt me. Although it was really hard, I want to think him and say that what he did made me stronger. I should of reported him. I was too afraid. I made a mistake of letting it slide. Don't let people mistreat you. You deserve to be treated well. If anyone sexually harrases you ever, do something about it. It is not acceptable. And there is nothing wrong with you. I really think that he was dealing with some personal issues, and I was the scapegoat. You shouldn't be the scapegoat. I thought something was wrong with me because of everything that happened my senior year. I had a dream one night that I died and no one cared. I woke up crying during the dream. You know, I experienced a low. But the good news is that after a low, there is only one direction to go: UP!
So, I don't know the point in this blog. I don't want anyone to pity with me and say "I am sorry that people mistreated you". I have moved on. I am graduating college soon, and high school was four years ago. It still affects me but in a good way. I am now a different individual from all my trails in high school. So thank you high school friends who weren't very kind to me, I learned a lot about love from you. That sounds so strange, but It is true. I wouldn't be who I am today if my experience magically changed.
Sometimes, a not so happy beautiful life is okay. We all go through things and we just need to accept it. There is a purpose for those not beautiful moments. We don't see them in the moment, but we see them later down the road. Try to keep that eternal perspective.
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