What is the meaning?
I feel like most people are looking for the meaning behind other's words and actions. My personal theory is that there are multiple levels of meaning behind events. For example, a walk could have different levels of meaning. It could mean purely to have exercise, have a adventure, understand the area better, talk to a friend, kiss a certain someone. When someone is asking you to go on a walk, all of these meanings can pop up.
Today, I watched a session where there was a event of a roadtrip. It was super important to the husband, but the wife was mild important. She didn't end up going and he was hurt. He tried to ignore the hurt until in the session, he just let loose. He was crying. I have never seen a grown man cry. The therapist intervened and talked to him about what was causing the hurt. The roadtrip was to a place where they were thinking about moving eventually. He saw it as a pathway to build their future together. She saw it as another chance of talking to her husband in the car. She didn't know why it was so important to talk to her husband in the car when she could just call him.
The thing about this couple was that they didn't talk to each other about the meaning. If they simply clarified about the meaning to each other before the roadtrip, they could of avoided the incident. She would of understood the importance of the event that the husband was placing upon it.
I am sure we have all had experience with this kind of thing in our life. Our mom wants us to go our sibling's t-ball game, but we would rather sleep in. The mom places it highly because it is a family bonding experience while the teenager thinks it is just a another early morning t ball game.
How do we avoid this from happening? How do we avoid other's becoming hurt? We can't fully avoid other's getting hurt. I have heard this from and others and from therapy, I fully believe it. The people closest to you will hurt you the most. Your spouse will hurt you everday or (A LOT). You just need to learn how to minimize it through communication. Communicate the meaning of such events to your friends, family and spouses. Once they understand the meaning behind something, they will better understand you and the importance of an event.
Think of a guy on a date. He hates chick flicks. He goes and sees one with his date. Why? 1. He either wants to win brownie points. 2. He understands that it is so important to her and wants to make her happy. He wants to understand and make the experience the best possible. 3. He wants some cuddle action. 4. He likes chick flicks for some reason (maybe he has sisters).
I could come up with so many more examples of this theory. If any are interested in the name of this theory, In School of Family Life, Family Processes, they call it the Symbolic Interaction Theory. Everything has a meaning attached to it, so the basic solution is to increase understanding of other's perceptions and meanings. Mutual understanding is the common goal that must be achieved in a healthy realtionship. What do you think of this theory?
Today, I watched a session where there was a event of a roadtrip. It was super important to the husband, but the wife was mild important. She didn't end up going and he was hurt. He tried to ignore the hurt until in the session, he just let loose. He was crying. I have never seen a grown man cry. The therapist intervened and talked to him about what was causing the hurt. The roadtrip was to a place where they were thinking about moving eventually. He saw it as a pathway to build their future together. She saw it as another chance of talking to her husband in the car. She didn't know why it was so important to talk to her husband in the car when she could just call him.
The thing about this couple was that they didn't talk to each other about the meaning. If they simply clarified about the meaning to each other before the roadtrip, they could of avoided the incident. She would of understood the importance of the event that the husband was placing upon it.
I am sure we have all had experience with this kind of thing in our life. Our mom wants us to go our sibling's t-ball game, but we would rather sleep in. The mom places it highly because it is a family bonding experience while the teenager thinks it is just a another early morning t ball game.
How do we avoid this from happening? How do we avoid other's becoming hurt? We can't fully avoid other's getting hurt. I have heard this from and others and from therapy, I fully believe it. The people closest to you will hurt you the most. Your spouse will hurt you everday or (A LOT). You just need to learn how to minimize it through communication. Communicate the meaning of such events to your friends, family and spouses. Once they understand the meaning behind something, they will better understand you and the importance of an event.
Think of a guy on a date. He hates chick flicks. He goes and sees one with his date. Why? 1. He either wants to win brownie points. 2. He understands that it is so important to her and wants to make her happy. He wants to understand and make the experience the best possible. 3. He wants some cuddle action. 4. He likes chick flicks for some reason (maybe he has sisters).
I could come up with so many more examples of this theory. If any are interested in the name of this theory, In School of Family Life, Family Processes, they call it the Symbolic Interaction Theory. Everything has a meaning attached to it, so the basic solution is to increase understanding of other's perceptions and meanings. Mutual understanding is the common goal that must be achieved in a healthy realtionship. What do you think of this theory?
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