Conflict Styles
We all have our individual conflict styles. What is yours like? Most people don't know what their is so it can create conflict in marriage and relationships.
Today, I watched a therapy session where the couple misunderstood each other's conflict style and their fighting was continuous. They didn't get why they couldn't come up with a conclusion. Some examples of conflict styles include immediately solving the conflict. Individuals who are like this often can't feel peace until the conflict is resolved so they immediately want to talk about it and solve it. Another example of a conflict style is individuals who want to wait to talk about it until they have had time to think it about it and calm down from their heightened emotions. An individual with this style has a hard time addressing it immediately as it will create more stress for them, so they need time apart and alone so they can figure everything out.
Understanding your partner's conflict style will greatly improve the quality of your relationship. It will answer questions to why they avoid conflict immediately. If you understand that it creates more stress to talk about it immediately, you can try to work together to compromise when addressing conflict.
Also, I also have learned about the "time out". The time out can be useful when resolving conflict. As we know, emotions are complicated and nearly impossible to understand fully. We try to study human emotion yet there is no concrete or "hard" proof for evidence. When addressing a taboo topic, emotions become heightened and we may start attacking our partner and put up a wall. When this happens, there is no possibility to peacefully solve the conflict. At this point, a "time out" needs to be called so both partners can cool down.
The process of a time-out is simple and important to apply in your relationships.
1. Recognize that a time-out is needed and say "I need a time-out". A side note from this step is that you can't tell your spouse that they need a time-out. That is a form of attacking and they will put up a wall.
2. Set a time limit. This is a really important step. If you don't set one, then the time-out may become too long and the conflict will never be resolved. Also, when you set a time limit then you know within your speicifc time period, you have that time to yourself to figure out your own perspective, solutions, issues so you can present them to your partner in a calm and productive manner. It will force you to solve it within the specific time period.
3. Come together after the time limit. Additionally, I think having rules when solving conflict is important. These rules may be personal and specific to your relationship. Some suggestions I can think of is never attacking the person by only using "I" statements, keeping the tone down, avoiding judgmental statements and lastly having a common goal of increasing perception of other's experience and understanding your partner's thought process. Work hard during this time to follow your personal rules and solve the conflict.
Again, I am not personally married. But from research, I have seen that what makes marriage is hard is that you are trying to unite two independent mindsets. Each mindset is affected by family background and past experiences. You are combining two unique people and trying to make one. It will take a lot of work, compromise, understanding, sacrifice and love.
Again, I am not a marriage expert but I just like sharing my insights I gain through research and life experience. Good luck understanding your partner and their conflict style. It will be hard yet rewarding if you are successful. Don't give up on this ambitious endeavor.
Today, I watched a therapy session where the couple misunderstood each other's conflict style and their fighting was continuous. They didn't get why they couldn't come up with a conclusion. Some examples of conflict styles include immediately solving the conflict. Individuals who are like this often can't feel peace until the conflict is resolved so they immediately want to talk about it and solve it. Another example of a conflict style is individuals who want to wait to talk about it until they have had time to think it about it and calm down from their heightened emotions. An individual with this style has a hard time addressing it immediately as it will create more stress for them, so they need time apart and alone so they can figure everything out.
Understanding your partner's conflict style will greatly improve the quality of your relationship. It will answer questions to why they avoid conflict immediately. If you understand that it creates more stress to talk about it immediately, you can try to work together to compromise when addressing conflict.
Also, I also have learned about the "time out". The time out can be useful when resolving conflict. As we know, emotions are complicated and nearly impossible to understand fully. We try to study human emotion yet there is no concrete or "hard" proof for evidence. When addressing a taboo topic, emotions become heightened and we may start attacking our partner and put up a wall. When this happens, there is no possibility to peacefully solve the conflict. At this point, a "time out" needs to be called so both partners can cool down.
The process of a time-out is simple and important to apply in your relationships.
1. Recognize that a time-out is needed and say "I need a time-out". A side note from this step is that you can't tell your spouse that they need a time-out. That is a form of attacking and they will put up a wall.
2. Set a time limit. This is a really important step. If you don't set one, then the time-out may become too long and the conflict will never be resolved. Also, when you set a time limit then you know within your speicifc time period, you have that time to yourself to figure out your own perspective, solutions, issues so you can present them to your partner in a calm and productive manner. It will force you to solve it within the specific time period.
3. Come together after the time limit. Additionally, I think having rules when solving conflict is important. These rules may be personal and specific to your relationship. Some suggestions I can think of is never attacking the person by only using "I" statements, keeping the tone down, avoiding judgmental statements and lastly having a common goal of increasing perception of other's experience and understanding your partner's thought process. Work hard during this time to follow your personal rules and solve the conflict.
Again, I am not personally married. But from research, I have seen that what makes marriage is hard is that you are trying to unite two independent mindsets. Each mindset is affected by family background and past experiences. You are combining two unique people and trying to make one. It will take a lot of work, compromise, understanding, sacrifice and love.
Again, I am not a marriage expert but I just like sharing my insights I gain through research and life experience. Good luck understanding your partner and their conflict style. It will be hard yet rewarding if you are successful. Don't give up on this ambitious endeavor.
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